3a.m.
It’s not better, it’s different. The energy we bring to our intentions matters, and through the years, I have been guided to acknowledge that whenever we make decisions from a place of believing they will be better, that the grass will be greener, we place ever-increasing expectations on the outcome, counting on it to prove we’ve got it right so we won’t have to face defeat or failure.
I don’t know if this life I’m trying to create on the island will be better for us, but I do know it will be completely different from my life here. And that’s the point, right? Not better or worse, just different. Not right or wrong, just an experience. I embrace this sentiment, it feels lighter, less pressured… and yet…
A high-speed train of thoughts about all the things I will no longer be able to source easily or have at my fingertips brings up frantic 3 a.m. internet searches that undermine my mantra: “I’m in complete trust of the divine unfolding of my journey.” I say I don’t want the comfort zones, that I’m seeking adventure to really live, but the comfort zone I’ve orchestrated over the years has an ease, a familiarity, and a predictability that offers a safe space to land and a routine that brings harmony to my family. And I’m about to deconstruct it, piece by piece. I wonder if I really want to step out of this comfort zone as much as I say I do. I guess we’re about to find out!
We are mostly playing the Hero, the Villain, or the Victim in our own soul story. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my choices right now are placing me in the energy of the Villain – self-titled. It’s not a role I’m used to playing. I like to keep the peace, avoid conflict. The realisation that when you take steps toward what a soul call that is often unexplainable to others, there’s a chance you’ll break hearts and cause upheaval for those you love, that cause and effect is real. You change people’s lives based on your decisions. This sacred disruption is an energy I’m trying to resolve, and right now, it’s the hardest part of this journey, even knowing what I do about my own destiny pathways.
I feel selfish more often than feeling excited at the moment; guilty more often than feeling at peace. I know I need to reframe this, I’m working on it! To help, I say to myself, “Okay Romy, what if you don’t go? If nothing changes? If you don’t follow this call, what then?” The sinking feeling in my gut, the tightness in my throat, and the unsettling sensation that trying to reject this pathway will not bring me peace, that is my answer. I know what my babies need from me is to be the best version of myself so I can bring balance and harmony to our lives and enrich our future with growth filled opportunity and joy.
So I keep going…
I realised this week that the day I made my decision I was going to move my progressed Moon moved into Sagittarius and my 4th house. It was literally on that day, I never cease to be levelled by the Soul’s blueprint. How much free will do we really have? That one’s for another day!
My friend Anna is visiting from Sweden right now, and together we dared to unearth the depths of my attic. I leaned into her Capricorn resilience, that quiet fortress of steadiness and the wisdom of a Capricorn Full Moon as I climbed the ladder and attempted to quiet the sentimental chorus of “stuff” that whispers of mountains I’ve climbed, lessons I’ve carried. Sometimes, holding on is a silent prayer, a record of my journey. But beneath that, I know I have so much more letting go and releasing to do if I am going to make it all the way in this journey.
I did say I’m leaving 90% of my life behind — remember? — but in reality, that’s a lot tougher to digest. As I post this tonight, I reflect deeply, it doesn’t have to be better; it just has to be different. But I also know a part of me quietly trusts and believes it will be better. And that’s okay, because this is the messy middle.
These are my Soul Diaries and this is my Golden Chapter…
Until next time
Keep Rising in love
Romy
One of the beautiful bridges connecting me to the island is my Golden Rays Healing Retreat with Uma. We are already almost half full. It fills my heart I’m so ready to be in the sacred space of this secret sanctuary and together with Uma return you to your radiance.
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Thank you for this beautiful reflection on living a change like this, Romy. We just submitted our business plan for the Profession Liberale visa for France today, this first concrete step in getting our visas. And I have been feeling almost eerily the same as what you wrote. And also not sleeping well with all the heaviness of the change, saying goodbye to comfort and security and familiarity and stepping into vast unknown. And knowing I’m upsetting a lot of people in the process, who struggle to understand why we would do such a thing. It is testing me in ways I foresaw and others I did not.
Thank you again for your help in getting started on this path. Since that call with you at the end of February things have moved faster than I imagined possible, with things opening up for us is ways that have been beautiful and clear that it’s the best path right now, inspite of what feels like blowing up our good life here.
We’re hoping to be in Aix-En-Provence around the end of September or early October. Finally getting my mostly online business up and running.
And I’m also hoping I can get to your retreat next year. I need to sit with it and costs but I’m working on it.
Best wishes on this move for you! You are, as always, an inspiration and a gift.
Hey Jennie, how wonderful to hear! so excited for you and your family but yes I understand the layers to it all. Keep me posted and thank you for your support. I would love to welcome you to the retreat, may the energy align. Beautiful blessings, Romy xo
Romy love ❤️
Hiw beautiful to read your raw share. What you write reminds me of what I felt a year ago when deciding to move to Wales. It has uprooted my daughter’s life so much, that I’m still licking the wounds that the consequences brought forward. BUT: it was the absolute right decision for every single cell in my body and my soul!
Your son is still young, he will adjust well. And yes, for everyone else involved, there are big feelings involved… it brings everyone closer to the sacred heart ❤️
All my love to you dearest sister, you’re an inspiration!!!
Embracing you,
Martha
Sweet Martha, thank you for this, I know your amazing journey to follow your heart and so respect your brave choices as you continue to shape a beautiful life with all it’s colours. Sending much love Romy xo
Good morning dearest Romy,
My heart is rooting with yours….
Thank you for sharing what you are experiencing. I very much hope you have someone close by to ‘hold you’ in this challenging transition.
I hear the silver lining in your writing. And since you were mentoring me I also sense the challenge and the wisdom you have taking this step.
So if there is anything I can do to help you please let me know. I mean it…..
You are supporting us at all times perhaps it’s time to give back especially now.
If I may offer something while I write I’d kindly invite you to turn towards with compassion to any part of you who is scared, struggles, doubting, can’t sleep etc..
Wrap up your arms around that part of you – listen what she has to say, understand her, and comfort her from the wise adult Romy part of yourself. The same way you turn towards your child and Angel.
This practice will calm and soothe. Once these parts are comforted, understood and placed into safety you will be able to move forward and be grounded in your decision.
I’m wrapping my arms around you and holding you now while you are reading it dearest Romy.
Once you said to me “Move towards where your nervous system is calm. Give yourself the opportunity to create”.
And that’s what you are doing now dearest Romy. Of course it’s very challenging, of course… It brings stuff on surface we could not calculate.
New life experience can’t not be calculated. New life experience is lived. And you dear Romy have all the wisdom navigate through it.
I believe in you.
My love your way
Lucie
Thank you sweet Lucie, your words are a treasure xx